A first time parent quickly learns the importance of being flexible; you may be ready to go to the store, but the baby may get hungry again just as you are walking out the door. Feed the baby, get to the store and as soon as you walk through the doors and put something you your cart, baby needs a diaper change (not the kind you can kindly wait a short while to change). Plan A is find a restroom or parent room hopefully with accomodations for changing but again, you may need to be creative in changing your baby in less than desirable conditions. Your Plan B may be using a changing pad you have in your bag.

Your toddler is 2 years old and you go to an amusement park. Let's think Magic Kingdom. Plan A is that you can visit Future World, then Toon Town, lunch at Libery Square, hit Fantasyland, then Frontierland, ending the day with some shopping on Main Street before watching the fireworks. Plan B is that your child is hungry before you leave Future World, so you get a snack to hold him over to lunch. Perhaps your child naps when you get to Toon Town so another plan would be to push that stroller right through the shops at Main Street (a fantastic plan as you actually get to shop without your toddler reaching for everything on the shelves!). You go on with your day.

Parents are good at Plan B, especially with younger children. We know that as children get older and further develop, things will change. Their tolerance and patience will eventually increase somewhat. They will be able to wait more than 2 minutes to eat something. They will be able to walk instead of your navigating the mini-van of strollers through the crowds. They will, over time, become more predictable, or adaptible. Or so we all initially expect.

If you have a child with a mood or anxiety disorder, you probably have realized that tolerance, patience and predictability are not often part of your child's dynamics. In fact, you may have found that these things just seem to get worse as your child gets older...or maybe even at certain times. So do you stay locked in your home and never have playdates? Never go to a family party or support your child's interest in taking a class because you can guess that it is going to be another disaster due to a class disturbance or non-compliance with expectations? As parents in these situations, we are already overwhelmed, energy and sleep deprived. It is easier sometimes to just avoid situations that may end up going badly.

Of course, during periods of intense instability, staying close to home and going into "survival" mode may be the best course of action.

On the other hand (of course, there is the other hand!), something we often need to do is have a Plan B. And a Plan C. And a Plan D. You get the idea. I will give you an example. Recently, after a couple of weeks of a lot of instability (to put it mildy) with our daughter, we had a weekend with 2 parties. We did not have a babysitter - how difficult it can be to find a sitter who I trust AND who appreciates and respects my daughter is a whole other topic. Saturday night the party was at a close friend's home where there would be many adults and children.

• Plan A, we go to the party and expect the best. Right.
• Plan B, we discussed if our daughter got overwhelmed or uncomfortable, that she could come talk to me. Ok, that's possible.
• Plan C, we picked out one of her favorite blankets, some paper and crayons and talked with the hostess about finding a small out of the way place where we could set this up. Now we are on to something. The hostess knows, we know and our daughter knows that we are working together to have a place for her to go when she feels like things are too loud or active, or any of another 100 things that could potentially upset her.
• Plan D, we address the concern of her feeling left out or lonely if she wants to be at her blanket coloring - we call a friend with a slightly younger daughter (who may want a break from the older kids during the party) and let her know that she can join in "the quiet spot" that evening.
• Plan E, thankfully it did not rain so we could let our daughter loose in the fenced in backyard.
• Plan F (no, I am not joking), my husband, who was arriving late because of work, could take her home if needed.

  So, what happened? Well, we went to the party, and used Plans A, B, C, D and E. Thankfully, we did not have to do Plan F because that would have been close to Plan G which likely would have involved our leaving the country.

  I am a Girl Scout Leader. I love working with my co-leaders and the girls and their families. Of course, with weekly meetings, sometimes my child's moods do not follow the schedule, so she is incapable of staying in the room or not being disruptive. My co-leaders know what is going on and understand. A couple of our moms know what is going on. My daughter had a complete meltdown one day as the meeting was starting. Somehow I got her out of the building and was able to let her loose on the playground with some of our moms and their younger children. She needed to be outside and running at that time and not sitting in a room quietly for a meeting. She has also sat and colored on the other side of the divider in our meeting room.

  I love being a Girl Scout Leader. I get a lot of joy out of it. My daughter loves being a Girl Scout. Much of the time, it works for her. There are times that it does not work at all. For those times, we have in place additional plans. As a whole, it is a success.

  Moral of the story is, of course, parenting a child with a mood or anxiety disorder requires careful planning: develop a plan and get others involved. You won't feel so alone. Your child won't feel so alone. You are all working together as a TEAM for your child and your family to have success.